


Special

by frogsandrosbifs



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Abuse, F/M, Honestly I got used to it that way, MC is not Reader, MC's name is MC, Parental Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-02-27 12:23:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13248168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frogsandrosbifs/pseuds/frogsandrosbifs
Summary: MC thought she'd not only do it to help Jumin, who seemed depressed in a frightening way, but also so he could come back to work with Jaehee.  It was that simple. She'd talk to him, because he only ever confided in her, and she'd convince him, find a solution. He said it before, after all : she always managed to find new, fresh ideas for him.There is something about Jumin Han that wants to own people and control them. It's hidden in him. It's in the way he chooses Jaehee's clothes and overworks her. It's in the way he speaks about MC even if she only sees the good in him.Zen knows all of that and yet he has to watch MC slip away between the jerk's hands.Takes place in Jumin's route, AU I guess.Warning for abuse and generally creepy relationship stuff (to be updated) because I'm frustrated at Jumin The Creep's route where you are punished for having a perfectly normal and healthy reaction.





	1. Sweet.

 

_**MC** _

 

She wasn't sure what attracted her to him the first time. His cold demeanor told her there was more to Jumin that met the eye, and sometimes it felt like she was the only one to see it. Zen thought she was fooling herself, but he was wrong.

There was a subtle gentleness to him that made her want to get closer. He was like that only with her, when they talked on the chat or through texting. And when Jumin grew more and more stressed, so much that he stopped going to work, she worried to hell. There was a frailty hidden in the man, something broken that she wanted to mend. She would have freaked out in his place too... Forced marriage, in this day and time ? It just seemed too crazy to believe, and in that moment, she wondered if he ever had any choice in his life.

 _He bosses Jaehee around all day, of course he does._ This was one thing she did not exactly like, but it was none of her business. She had never worked in a company. Jaehee seemed exhausted, though, and when she asked her to go to him, she accepted immediately.

MC thought she'd not only do it to help Jumin, who seemed depressed in a frightening way, but also so he could come back to work with Jaehee. It was that simple. She'd talk to him, because he only ever confided in her, and she'd convince him, find a solution. He said it before, after all : she always managed to find new, fresh ideas for him.

 

_***_

 

MC fiddled in the car all the way to his building as her stomach made knots. She had met internet friends before and there was always that sort of stage fright : what if he actually hates me ? What if we have nothing to speak about ? What if he doesn't even want to see my face ?

Her friends had always surprised her in one way or another. But with Jumin, it started way before meeting him. Everything smelled like money – no wonder why it attracted people who didn't care about the person behind Jumin Han. MC had never been rich, not even close, and she felt out of place and small the second she stepped inside the building. _I don't belong here_.

No wonder why Zen felt angry with him all the time, when he was struggling to make ends meet. The brunette tried to look past the ornaments in the huge marble staircase. She pulled on her clothes as she waited for him to open _._ They suddenly made her feel _cheap._

 

_***_

 

He was as polite and sweet as she had imagined, although taller : he towered over her and she couldn't help but hate that she was not wearing heels.

 _And damn does he look good in that suit._ He felt better as soon as she was there, he said : that made her smile as the hour grew late, so late she had no intention of leaving. It was a long way to Rika's flat, and the place was cramped. Couldn't MC appreciate some nice company, in a place where she had enough room to walk, stretch her legs, and enjoy the view ? There was good food, too, and Jumin was lovely. Moreover, she did not feel as out of place as she had at first, all thanks to him. She felt bad that Zen was freaking out, but she would just leave in the morning. He was simply overreacting a little.

There _was_ something that bothered her, and it was poor Elizabeth the 3rd, locked in that cage that was – well, it was a big one, yes, but cages were not made for cats, period. She looked sad ; but no matter how much she tried to reason him, Jumin would not let it go. It wasn't safe, he repeated.

“But she's feeling sad, look at her !”

“I'm doing this for her own good, I know better. I'm sorry, Elizabeth.”

 

He needed time, MC told herself once more. He needed time, even if he had lost none in feeling connected to her and telling her things he probably never had told anyone else. It was fine.

 

Everyone needed to be understood once in a while. Sometimes, people just clicked, just like they did, and then it was easy.

 

_***_

 

She called Zen late, only to reassure him that everything was _fine_ – _he even read to me, and he is definitely going back to work._

 

Zen was basically screaming at her to get away, but there was really nothing to be scared about. Still, she took his advice, if only to make him feel better.

 

“MC, I swear, he said he'd put you to bed as if you were some kind of pet, don't let him close !”

She laughed. “He was joking.”

“Was he really ? He seemed perfectly serious. He's a creep.”

“He always jokes while seeming perfectly serious.”

“I'm not convinced. The way he speaks about you freaks me out, as if that jerk was able to even _like_ someone other than that furball ?”

“Zen. I'm fine, and I'll be careful. But I'm sure he can like people. He's human too.”

 

She carefully omitted the fact that she was sleeping in _Jumin Han's bed_ and wished him sweet dreams. 

 

Besides, that bed was huge. She could roll around all she wanted, and the sheets were made of silk. She felt like a princess.

 

He really had nothing to worry about, but Zen had been protective these days, despite the fact that they barely knew each other. Maybe he was like that with every girl he met.

 

_***_

 

_**Zen** _

 

This girl was going to drive him mad – she was so trusting, _too trusting_ , and it endeared him as much as it scared him. He had enough reasons to distrust Jumin : the number one being that his brother was that kind of jerk, and had been nice with him only to destroy him at the first chance. And this was even worse, because MC was a girl, and if Jumin was even remotely romantically interested in her – fuck.

It was weird enough to see him take interest into another human. _If you want a friend, maybe try to be less of a fucking dick with Jaehee, that might help. At least she knows how to deal with you. MC is too sweet for you._ Did he even know how to behave with a woman ? With _anyone_ , when he always had gotten what he wanted, all the time ?

Damn – her call hadn't soothed his fears. She was obviously trying to comfort him, because she was just _that nice_ , he had noticed it from the first time he had chatted with her. Always the right words to soothe everyone, to joke around with Seven or to be Yoosung's big sister figure. No matter how much he had warned her, she was not listening.

She _wanted_ to trust Jumin. He'd been there. He'd told himself his brother was just joking when he'd call him a little shit – a lazy ass – a failure. He wasn't meaning it. He was joking. Zen had felt it was his own fault for not being good enough, for not being  _right_ and failing at fulfilling every expectation his parents had set on him. 

It wasn't. He'd been lying to himself, because it was easier. He was worried MC would do the same if it came to it. If it hadn't  _already_   come to it.

 

Now that creepy jerk had gotten to see her first and he wasn't even sending her home – that would have been the right thing to do, to _send her home_ because it was late, and fuck, they barely knew each other.

Jumin only ever thought of himself and of his dumbass cat projects. Always.

 

He tried to channel his anger into a workout, but it only made him feel more fired up and ready to run there and snatch her from the Creep.

 

Zen wasn't going to sleep tonight. _Might as well learn my lines._

_***_

 

He dozed off in the morning, phone in hand, only to wake up to a missed chat featuring the Jerk apparently watching MC sleep. _What the actual fuck. Let this poor girl go home now._

 

The mental image of waking up to find Jumin Han staring at you was rightly terrifying.

 

He sent MC a quick text – _Are you getting home yet ? I have practice but still tell me when you're home !_ She had not replied yet when he had to put his phone in silent mode for rehearsals – this was not making him feel good, but he had to focus now. This would not be easy when he was sleep-deprived and anxious.

 

_My character getting obsessed on a woman, uh... This better not go the same way as in the play or I'll straight up murder the guy before it comes to it._

 

 

 


	2. Thrill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting to some more triggering material here : TW for abuse, relationship abuse, dissociating, and PTSD.
> 
> Take care.

 

_**MC** _

 

She wasn't, in fact, going home. Jumin was still iffy on going to work, but she could always watch for Elizabeth. She'd be a _glorified_ cat sitter living in a huge flat for today and this way Jaehee wouldn't be overworked as much.

That's what they agreed on anyway, but _of course_ it had to go _that_ wrong. It happened so quickly too – one second and Elizabeth was _gone_. At first she wasn't worried about her, more so about Jumin who was white as a sheet. _This was the last thing he needed right now, the one stable thing in his life to leave... He seemed so troubled he wouldn't even let me follow him to look for her. Stay here. Don't go out._

_Don't go out._

He was scared and she did not know what he'd do if he came back and she wasn't there. She stayed – Elizabeth couldn't have gone far anyway. It would only take a couple of hours at the most, given how huge this place was.

The hours passed though, and Elizabeth was nowhere to be found in the building. Jumin was making less sense when he came back, but at least he was sharing how he felt. It was a good thing, wasn't it ?

 

_****** _

_It was all for show and to shut that Sarah up but it all made the thrill of a first kiss even better. This man had a taste for drama, for someone so cold. His whispering sent shivers into her spine and then she was quick to close her eyes and respond._

_It might be a mistake. The brunette couldn't help but notice there was feeling in it. It was no forced kiss on his part – it felt like he wanted it. Fear in her stomach ; she might be deluding herself, he might just as well reject her in a minute. It was not right, not when he had just lost his cat, was unstable and when they barely had met. Yet she enjoyed it and she felt ashamed for it._

**“Can we really do this ?”**

 

**_**_ **

 

_**Zen** _

 

He knew MC was not keen on thinking about it but now the damn cat had escaped – and Zen couldn't stop thinking about his dream. If it had at least given him useful information, this sure would have been nice, but of course not. How could have Elizabeth landed in the mountains ? It made no sense.

The Jerk had gone from worrying about his cat (which he could sympathize about) to wanting to give her up to V because, quoting, he had MC now.

 _How many fucking red flags are you going to give us now ? MC's a human._ Despite how she insisted that he knew the difference, Zen wasn't sure about it.

It had been funny when he was feelings-vomiting all over the chatroom, but it wasn't anymore. It made him feel sick. Was MC going to spend a _second night_ in there ? She looked fine for now, but the way he insisted on her staying and waiting for him was not good.

 

_Don't trust him, princess. For fuck's sake..._

 

This sweetheart who still remembered about his meeting in such a bad time deserved way better than being locked up. He couldn't even be sure she wasn't minimizing it when she said she was fine.

He'd seen enough girls pretend to be okay to know that they were not always sincere, or else they were lying to themselves. When he was in that gang, they were all troubled kids in some ways. What was particular about the few girls hanging out with him was how they seemed to hide it all inside when he liked to be angry and act out. They never seemed to did that as much. Was this because how girls are raised nowadays ?

They said they were fine, smiled and pulled on their sleeves or took another sip, and another, until they were wasted and finally crying it out. He did like to talk about himself, but he was a good listener too.

Was MC pretending, too ? Was he going to get a drunk dial of her crying her eyes out and telling him about the awful things Jumin might have done to her ? He'd come and sweep her away now if he could. The day was stretching and it seemed no one else was worried about how fucked up the situation was.

 

_Has RFA grown that dysfunctional ? His statuses alone are more and more terrifying by the minute and no one cares ?_

 

 

_****** _

__

She thought he was only talking to himself and having fun this morning when he talked about dressing her up, choosing a hairstyle for her and the like. He wasn't, she realized when he asked that she'd change. _Why would you want me to change ? Don't I get to choose what I wear ?_ Something had changed in the tone of his voice ; or maybe it was always there but for the first time, she actually felt like she _had_ to agree or something bad would happen.

 

_He's just upset. I'm only helping him. Then he'll get better and everything will be alright._

 

He wasn't forcing her, it was just that if she left he'd be worse. He wasn't forcing her, yet she couldn't even ask him to go home. “ _Quit thinking about it.”_ he said.

He made her afraid of what he might do if she left, so maybe it was better to stay from now. _He'll calm down. It's okay._

Speaking to him had been so easy, but all of a sudden it was like walking on eggshells. She realized two things in that moment : she was afraid to make him angry or even more unstable, and he was treating her like a doll. She was not even allowed to be sad or upset, and she certainly did not have a say in the relationship he apparently had decided for them.

 

“This is not what I want.” She noticed her voice had gotten softer. MC swallowed hard. His thinking had gotten completely backward. _Yes, trust needs time, but you can't force it on me, can you ?_

What was going on when on the same morning she was glad they had kissed ? MC felt like she was in a dream, the sickening kind of one where everything suddenly turns upside down, the walls blur and everything good turns into painful. It was as if she was looking at herself from a third perspective. Talking herself out of this, telling her other self how to act.

_Tell him what you need now. He has to care. He is a good person._

“I want to go home,” she said, her hands ever so slightly trembling.

She remembered the way her father would get angry everytime she showed a hint of sadness or displayed an emotion he did not want to see. She had to smile. She had to make everyone happy, or they would get angry and never like her again. And _hurt her_ with their words.

Just like here. Just like now.

MC was cornered as Jumin blocked her against the wall, his voice lower, sharp, his words cutting into her.

 

**_Who are you ?_ **

 

 

**_Don't hurt me._ **

 

She had done it again ; now he was angry because she had failed at pleasing him. She thought of submitting as she made herself smaller, her back pressed against the wall, avoiding his gaze. And damn, was he tall.

“Will you disappear like Elizabeth once you leave this place ?”

_Appease him. Calm him down. Do **not** fight back._

“I wasn't going to run off. Let's calm down and think about it.”

_Let me go._

“As I'm the man in your heart, I will be patient until you open up everything to me. But please don't try to run away. The outside world is too dangerous for you... I want to protect you. As long as you're here... I'll try to be calm.”

He was sharp as ice, cold as the tempest waiting to engulf her.

_Let me go. Let me go._

“It'll take time, but I'll convince you.”

_**No.** Please go back to how you were yesterday. **Who are you ?**_

“If anything is uncomfortable for you, I'll consider adjusting it.”

_**You** are uncomfortable._

_**Appease** him. Calm him down. Look down. Be gentle. Do not fight him._

“I won't go anywhere,” MC said carefully, trying not to let her voice shake, “so **please** move away.”

It worked, and she finally found her breath when he let her go as she requested. _I'm fine. I'm fine._

She had to be more careful now. If she slipped, it could happen again. She took his apologies – _he got ahead of himself, it's alright, he did nothing to me –_ and reassured him once more that she would not be leaving.

“I don't want to lock you in there."

She nodded, again and again, until she could excuse herself to take a bath and try on that new dress – _appease him -_ trembling. The brunette locked the bathroom's door and let herself sink down, curling up into a ball. She felt as if she had not breathed for several minutes now, and it came out ragged and thin as if she had run a marathon before. It felt like an asthma attack, except it was not that. Everything about her was being restricted, even her breathing. She tried to ignore the tears coming up and fiddled in her jean pocket for her phone.

She would have to give up jeans, didn't she ? _Cheap clothes. Cheap. Just like me. Because I'm an idiot, I couldn't see, I couldn't expect --_

MC stared at Zen's icon as her chest tightened. She was trying not to cry too loudly for fear Jumin would hear it. He wouldn't be happy if he heard that... She had to understand him. Only him. Let her forget herself once more and fill his every need. Become the girl she had once been. _Submit, it will only make things worse to fight. Submit. Submit._

She closed her eyes, trying to count her breaths as she waited for Zen to pick up. _From your stomach. One... two... What am I going to tell him ?? One... two... He'll probably get mad at me for not getting away soon enough. One... two... three..._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to copy down some of the dialogue from THAT ONE CREEP SCENE to keep it coherent -- hope you like it nevertheless. Didn't exactly plan to finish that way, but I was getting emotionally exhausted because I'm partly writing from my experience, and well.... It fits. Hopefully Zen will be getting more important next chapter !


	3. Doll.

**_Zen_ **

 

Everyone always protected the monsters. They always had to go out of their way to cater to them ; to make them feel appreciated and wanted. Soon enough MC would water herself down to calm Jumin until there was nothing left of her. He could feel it, but he couldn't explain it.

Everyone always protected the bigger person, the one with money, the _man,_ the CEO, the teacher or the parent. The Lion.

 

“ _Your grades have been dropping and you haven't been coming to class, Hyun. Is something the matter ?”_

“ _In fact... My parents...”_

“ _You don't get along ? That's normal at your age. If you try to be a little more obedient and not skip classes, it will be fine.”_

“ _They don't like me. They said I was ugly. They said I am useless and that I am nothing more but a failure.”_

“ _Don't be so sensitive. They are just worried about you. They care about you.”_

“ _No, they hate me. They do nothing but pull me down and insult me. My brother, too, he says I fail at everything I do.”_

“ _They're your family. They say that because they love you and want you to do better. If you actually tried it wouldn't go that bad. Damn, if you weren't so sensitive... Suck it up and be better for them, Hyun.”_

 

When the lamb screamed, no one believed it. It was the most painful thing in the world when people you trusted rejected you.

Then, you doubted yourself so much you thought that maybe they were right, **you** were the problem. Parents were supposed to love their children, surely you weren't doing it right. It wasn't like they ever hit you. They never touched you, they cut you with their words instead. They denied you when you wanted love. It was nothing. It was not that bad. You were just too emotional, too raw, too much of a person. You had to erase yourself and maybe this would stop. You would be good for them so maybe then, they will love you. If you fashioned yourself just right... It would work.

He had tried to win their approval ever since he was a kid but nothing was ever good enough.

He tried until he snapped. He was sixteen ; angry and exhausted at yet another thinly veiled insult. It was the usual, but it was one time too many. _You can't do anything right, Hyun, when will you try to be a good son for once ? You don't deserve us feeding you and keeping you into our home, do you know how much you cost us ?_

_**Make it end.** _

If he was going to be a failure no matter what he did, better do it well and go out with a bang. Fine, he didn't deserve to be there. _Point taken._

He ran away and never looked back. He never watered himself down ever again, never erased himself ; he did quite the opposite. He knew he could be too much, spamming the chatrooms with his self love and desperately clinging to other's approval like a lifeline. _I am so beautiful ! I am doing so well, you're going to congratulate me, right ?_

 

_Right ?_

 

He wasn't sure MC would even have enough space to snap and get angry if it came to it. Jumin had more power than his family, and he seemed even darker to him. He was totally obsessed with her. _He's like a stalker._ She didn't have the option to just grab her things and take off like he had.

His phone rang – _MC !_ He braced himself for the worst and took the call. _But will she tell me ? Does she trust me ?_

_Have you ever been rejected, MC ?_

 

“MC, are you okay ? Is everything fine ? What did he do ?” he almost yelled in the receiver, to only meet a short silence and a _soft_ voice.

“Zen. ...I'm fine...”

“Are you really ?”

“... I'm fine...” ( He heard a deep breath there, or maybe it was just a weird noise in the phone. Or a sniffle ? Was she crying ?) “I was just bored, so I think I would call you, you know ? Just... like that. What are you doing right now ?”

She didn't sound like she usually did. The way she repeated herself, the slowness in her speech. Zen knew MC's voice, he had quite enjoyed calling her to chit chat. There was usually more energy to it, in those calls where you could _hear_ her smile.

Being an actor made you quite good at reading into people's tone and speech over time. This was _monotone_. The voice of someone trying to get unnoticed.

_Speak softer and you might as well disappear._

“You don't sound fine, MC.”

“I'm fine Zen...” she repeated, and he thought he heard a crack in her voice.

He was freaking out inside, but this was no time to scream into the phone, which he had done way too much already. Had he scared her ? He might have. If something _had_ happened...

“Where are you right now ? Are you safe ?”

“I'm in the bathroom. I'm going to take a bath – this bathtub is huge, I've never seen anything like that before.”

_Is she hiding in there ?_

“You are alone ? You thought to lock the door, right ?”

“Of course I'm alone, Jumin isn't going to follow me into the bathroom,” she gave a half assed laugh, and Zen had acted enough to recognize a fake one. Especially from MC. Her real laugh could light up the world.

“MC. If something happened, you can tell me. I won't get mad at you. If _anything_ happened, it's not your fault.”

“....”

“ **It isn't your fault.** If it's too hard right now... I'm not going anywhere. So you can call me back anytime you want. If you're too scared to tell me, call the cops. Stay in the bathroom as long as you can, or somewhere away from him. I'm not letting you stay one more night in there, so just wait.”

There was a short silence where he could only hear her breathing – _is she crying ?_

“I'm not in... direct danger now. I just... I just got a little scared. You know, because Elizabeth is missing and Jaehee has so much work, and Yoosung is still at Seven's...” now she spoke too quickly. “It's okay, I'll just take a good bath and it's gonna be okay. ”

“Scared is not good, MC ! Follow your instincts, your brain is telling this for a reason !”

“ _ **Thank you**_ for worrying about me. I have to go. Zen... **I'll call you back.** Maybe we'll speak more.”

 

She hang up without letting him the chance to reply, and Zen could only sit there tapping his foot and feeling like punching something, or rather, _a certain somebody._

 

**_**_ **

**_MC_ **

 

The second she heard his voice, she felt stupid for getting upset for such a small thing, and afraid to worry him more. She felt herself sink back into her mask designed to please everyone else, although by now it was cracked and Zen could hear it

MC felt she was going to burst into tears when he insisted that he'd listen to her, but something inside was begging her not to tell, that it was just stupid, that he did not care that much about her. Something inside made her afraid to say it out loud, to make it real.

 

He had not even hit her. There was no bruise, no physical pain.

_Call the cops ? They'd laugh at me._

He had apologized. He was going to try and change now. When he'd feel better it would all be alright.

The truth stayed stuck inside her throat, until she managed to request that she call him back later.

If she found a moment... Maybe she could tell him everything. She wanted to tell him as her head spun more lies and told her not to trust her gut.

_He didn't mean to..._

Deep inside she wanted Zen to come. It scared her. What if she was only going to get even more hurt, and Jumin was actually right ? Maybe she was too stupid to trust the right people. Maybe he knew better.

 

**_**_ **

**_Zen_ **

 

He'd definitely done something to her, he could _hear_ it. All he wanted right now was to run there and kill a few people, but she said she'd _call back_. It might be easier to act if he even knew what the fuck this Jerk had done to her. He got up, pacing, until he decided to text Jaehee. _Poor Jaehee, this whole thing is a mess and I have to pile up more stress on her._

[text to : Jaehee Kang] I think something happened with Jumin - MC sounded weird on the phone

[text] Did she ? I have to admit the situation doesn't sound the... safest, knowing Jumin... But she says she's there because she wants to be.

[text] She's lying. To herself at least

[text] Did she tell you anything on the phone ?

[text] No, but she sounded like she was about to cry I don't like this.

[text] …. Keep an eye on her for now, I don't think I can do anything. I'm still at work... Don't do anything rash. _It might make things worse._ Text me if there's anything new.

[text] Will do. sorry to bother you at work...

[text] It's fine. Talk to you later, Zen.

 

_Don't do anything rash._ Easy to say, but he knew where she was coming from.

 

[text to : 707] can't you do something about Jumin and MC ? Hack into his shit or something ?

[text] They'll be fine, they're consenting adults lololol

[text] seriously ?! Aren't you worried ?!!

[text] no !!! ,no time to even text ! Wor jk fsdk work work yoosung andi leaving soon

 

He might as well have thrown his phone through a window – _but MC is supposed to call me back._ He was not even going to try to text Yoosung ; poor little guy was just going to panic and none of them needed that.

 

_And there's still that hacker thing... What a fucking mess. Where is V ?_

 

**_**_ **

 

_**MC** _

 

Stupidly enough, she found that she missed her bath bombs. She was stuck with a man not letting her go, in an unfamiliar, huge penthouse, and the first thing she missed were _bath products._ She stared at the bathtub filling with hot water, hoping it'd bring her back to her senses. Somehow the prospect of calling Zen back was helping her keep her sanity. MC felt strangely tired and numb. Her other self was whispering commands in her head again. _Take that bath. Dry your tears._

Nothing belonged to her there ; she _wasn't supposed_ to stay. She closed her eyes as the scorching hot water made her feel dizzy – _good_ – and soaked in there for a while, hoping the mess in her head would stop.

_There's a hacker outside after all... But surely Seven has the situation in control. Jumin must be calming down, I should ask him again to take me home. If I could make him calm down and listen..._

 

**_**_ **

 

There was a dress ready for her, earrings and jewelry and even instructions for her hair and make-up. MC thought of not doing this after all and coming to dinner in her jeans and hoodie, but then her chest tightened. _Make yourself small. Small and pretty._

It was one pretty dress. Expensive. As she sat down so she could log onto the chat -– she found that it changed the way she moved, for fear she would wrinkle it or damage it. She was a porcelain doll, and he could break her if he wanted to.

 

The chatroom proved to be a tricky thing. Zen was there, asking if she was alright again and again, and being the voice of her sanity.

[ MC ]

I should spend more time with Jumin.

[ ZEN ]

**No.**

Stay away from him.

 

Yet she couldn't say anything. Jaehee was afraid he'd treat her poorly, and all she could do was say she was fine. She had enough work as it was because of Jumin – because of _her_.

Besides – Jumin could log on anytime he wanted, or read the past conversation.

Zen still wanted to run there and get her – MC didn't know what she wanted, going back and forth between wanting to get out and telling herself that Jumin would change if she was nice and patient enough. In the end it was agreed that Jaehee would come and check on her. She felt guilt settle into the pit of her stomach. _I make everyone worry over nothing, Jaehee needs to rest right now, not check on me._

[ ZEN ] Call me whenever you need.

 

She had time now. MC wanted to hear his voice, even over the phone.

“MC ??? Are you alright ?”

“Yes.” she hoped she sounded calmer than the last time. She hoped he might be able to help her with the mess inside her head. _Ah – maybe I have tangled threads inside my head too, now. Is this how you deal with yours ? By tangling others ?_ “I have some time before dinner...”

“Don't eat with him ! You know you don't have to !”

“ **I have to.”**

“No you don't !”

“No Zen, I have to. You said you'll believe me, right ? You said you'll listen to me ?”

_Alright. Buckle up._

“I do, princess”

“ **Don't call me that.”** she snapped, misdirected anger suddenly firing up in her. “Please don't.”

“Sorry. Sorry, I won't.”

“... It-- It's okay. You... You won't get angry right ? Don't worry too much, it's really nothing bad but – I just, I don't know --” Panic rose like a wave.

“MC. It's alright. I'm listening to you. It's alright.” There was a softness to his voice she had never noticed before, for how fired up he could get on the phone with her. _Get it over with._

“He blocked me. Against the wall.”

“He WHAT ???”

“Zen – please -”

“Sorry. He blocked you ? How ?”

“He was going on about how we were in a relationship now, because – he kissed me this morning and -”

“HE KISSED YOU ? Uh--- sorry – he kissed you ? Did you... agree to kiss ?” she could tell he was fighting not to freak out here and now.

“I – um. It was a surprise.” _But I enjoyed it and kissed back, so, it's alright._

“Fuck – a surprise, so he just walked there and kiss you ?? What a creep.”

“It was okay, Zen. It's not the problem.”

“It kind of is, MC. Normally you talk with someone before you decide to kiss them.”

“It's not the problem,” MC repeated, feeling shameful again. _I enjoyed it and wanted more._

“I.... Dammit, I – okay, just... Alright, go on.” He sounded upset _because of her_.

“So, he kissed me this morning – and I was – fine...” _It's my fault. I gave him the wrong idea. I kissed back. “_ And then – before I called you, he was going on about how we were in a relationship now, and he'd give me time to trust him, and he'd convince me that we'd be together, stuff like that. He wasn't making sense. I asked him to go home and he told me to quit thinking about going home.”

The words were flooding out of her mouth now, too fast, free, the fear coming back and overwhelming her and eyes stinging --- no, she couldn't cry, she'd done the make up he wanted --

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ?”

“Zen – Zen, please don't yell.”

“Sorry. … I'm listening. It's alright, go on... if you want to.”

“I told him – I told him I didn't want this. That it was no relationship and that I wanted to go home, and then he blocked me against the wall and --” Her voice cracked. “I made this happen, so --”

“HE DID WHAT ??? -- But wait, Stop right there, MC. You didn't make this happen, he's an asshole with no heart who preyed on you.”

“But I kissed back--”

“So ? Did you even have any choice ?”

“I _enjoyed_ it.”

“And then you told him you weren't okay with all of this. What if you had hated it, he forced you anyway !”

“I – So... He blocked me and said he'd been nothing but good to me, so why was I rejecting him ? That he'll try to be calm -- So I – I told him to calm down. I told him I wasn't going away. And he moved away. That's all. He apologized for blocking my way and said he'll try to control himself.”

“He'll _try_ ? God fucking dammit, it's too late for that. He is dangerous, MC. And listen to me. Listen to me carefully. It's not your fault. No matter which signals you gave.”

“I'm sorry I'm worrying you -”

“MC. Don't be sorry. He's the asshole and you've got nothing to be sorry for. He should be sorry for doing this to you.” he said in a soft voice that made the shaking in her hands settle. Her head was still fighting with her – _but I kissed back_ – yet she forced herself to listen to him. “Alright. Jaehee is on her way right now, but I'm going to follow her. I don't want her to become Victim n°2. Just wait for us.”

“Are you sure ? You don't need to bother, I'm _fine-”_

“ **No.** You're _not_ fine MC. You're really not. Don't compromise yourself for this creepy ass. **Your safety matters. You matter.** Jumin isn't the center of the world and he can deal alone with his creepy feelings. He can't do anything he wants with you, he has no right to intimidate you. Okay ?”

“... Okay. I have to go. He wants to have dinner. He made me change clothes... I... I have to keep him calm.”

“Holyshit he's treating you like a pet,” he mumbled. “... I suppose yeah.” he sighed loudly. “Just... Wait for us and if he gets crazy again, run and lock yourself somewhere. Remember, MC. You come first. Alright ?”

“... Zen.”

“Yeah ?”

“... Thanks. I was fighting with my head.”

“Anytime. I know... I know how it feels when you don't want to believe it. When it's too hard. And, MC, you... You matter to me.”

“I... I feel stupid.”

“You're not stupid. You're a nice person and he doesn't deserve you. You are too good for him. Don't forget that. Okay ? I'll be there shortly with Jaehee. _**Be safe.**_ ”

“Okay. Thanks for caring about me, Zen.”

“Anytime.”

_It's not your fault._ Her mind was constantly telling her the opposite, but she decided to trust Zen's words. _Is it truly wise to trust another person ? Do you want to keep getting hurt ?_ MC closed her eyes. It couldn't get worse anyway – _yes it can and you know it_.

She was going to get out of here. _Soon._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a longer one here, hope you enjoyed. I actually had to pace myself not to make this even longer ahaha. I can't reread myself anymore so I hope there's no typos.   
> Zen knows where it's at. Also my backstory for him is purely headcanon material but isn't too unbelievable considering his route. I didn't want him to see his family tbh I was just "tell them to fuck off lol" but ooh well.


	4. Frozen.

_MC_

She finished getting ready for dinner and came back to the living room. Jumin was already sitting at the table waiting for the first course. MC froze.

“You look beautiful. I chose the perfect dress for you.” _I look good in jeans too, but they're too cheap for you aren't they ?_

“Thank you.”

“Come on. Join me, sit down.”

His eyes made it sound like an order. She _obeyed_. She wished they could chit-chat like before or talk about silly cat projects. But instead he went on about all the things they would do together whether or not she approved it.

Was this the real him ? She felt like mourning the way he was two days ago.

“I apologize again. I shouldn't have blocked you. It wasn't very democratic. I really don't want to keep you locked...”

_But you're doing it._

“I should go home to prepare for the party.”

“I'll call V. Maybe the day after tomorrow... Not now, it's not safe. Don't look so sad.”

_Keep him calm._

“I'm worried about Elizabeth.”

“There's nothing we can do about Elizabeth for now, so don't be so sad. At least I want you to be happy.”

“I want to go home. The party is in two days, I'm nowhere near done.”

There was a feverish, agitated way to him that was so unlike his usual icy calm. Was _she_ the cause of that ? He made her feel on edge, yet MC could still remember his touch this morning. She still felt a pull to him – an attraction. She had liked the danger there was to it when she still felt in control. _I'm just weird._

“I'm sorry... I'll find a way, but you have to stay tomorrow. I'm too worried about your own safety. And if you leave me... I... I don't know what I'd do.”

_I suppose we'll find out,_ she thought as she held her fork and knife so tight her knuckles were white.

Parts of her still wanted to talk to him. She had reasoned her way out of scary situations before, and her body and mind remembered. It remembered so well she was already waiting for him to get angry.

“But...”

“Stop it, MC. It hurts me that I have to do that. I'll do my best to keep you entertained, do you want anything ? Maybe I should get you another dress. This one looks perfect on you.”

“I don't want a new dress,” she said softly, and there was a flash of anger in his eyesthat was quickly buried deep. She knew that if she kept pushing, it would flood eventually.

_It's all about him, isn't it ?_

“I'm doing my best for you. Only you. I'm _asking_ you what you want, you can tell me anything.”

_But I can't._

“I have told you what I want.”

 

**_Don't compromise yourself for him, MC._ **

 

Without Zen, she would keep falling into the same traps again and again.

 

The head of security called Jumin ; he looked clearly annoyed at being interrupted.

“Mr Han, it's Zen. He wants to see you.”

“ _ **Zen ?”**_

Cold ice eyes directly turned to MC ; she felt a familiar twist in her belly.

“Did you call Zen ?”

“No. No I haven't.”

“Have you said anything in the chatroom that could have given him the wrong idea ?”

“No. Maybe he just wants to see you. I think Jaehee wanted to come, but...” _Calm him. It's rising. It's rising inside him. Quick._

“And how do you know that ?” _No –- find something._

“F-from a past chatroom.”

“I don't want him to even look at you. I've dedicated this time for you. I don't need him to ruin this.”

She had played this in her head before – in her mind, she would have gotten up and said that she was going home anyway, Zen or not. In the real word, she was stuck there, unable to move as Jumin sent security away.

“I'm really trying to believe you, MC. This is suspicious.”

“Trust me,” she whispered. _Please._

“It's hard to, especially when you look that pale. You're doing this to yourself, you know that ? I'm only looking out for you.” he said as he cut his meat more forcefully than before. “Maybe I should check your phone, hm ? To see if you're lying to me. I'm really trying to control myself, but you're making it worse.”

She couldn't eat anymore.

The security guard came back – “He says he'll call the police if you don't let him in.”

“Tch. On what grounds, exactly ?”

“Imprisonment or kidnapping.”

“Let him try. No one will ever believe him, an actor. As if.”

“Jaehee Kang is with him, Sir.”

“And ? She's just my assistant.”

_Is he telling the truth ?_

_No. No, this should be enough to sway him, this should be enough !_

If it didn't work, she'd be stuck there for sure.

“J-Jumin ?”

“What now ? You've made me angry. I don't want to be like this, and I'm trying really hard to control myself right now, MC. You better not ask me about going home again.” He spoke quickly now, cutting voice, cutting words. _Compromise. Find something._ She spoke from the back of her mind, not even sure of what she was saying.

“Have you thought of the scandal ? If they call the police and they believe it, everyone will know about it.”

“I don't care. All I care about is being with you. They can all go to hell.”

She blabbered more, her voice louder.

“And your father ? Your company ? Don't you care ? What about the _RFA_? What will V think ? What if it works ?”

“I don't care !” he yelled, and she felt herself shrink a little more.

“Do you ? You don't even care about V and the RFA ?” she blurted out.

He snapped.

He got up and grabbed her shoulders – his hands like claws, freezing cold on her skin.

“Quit. Doing that. Why do you want to see _**Zen**_ so much, uh ? You've been calling him behind my back, I can see it in your eyes – you're scared.”

“Jumin, you're hurting me – that's why I'm scared,”

This was the hardest thing she had ever said. He stayed like that for a few seconds, his eyes staring right at her. She couldn't read him anymore.

“Calm down Jumin... Please.”

“...Then promise not to follow him.”

“Let me go. Please, let me go.”

_Compromise. Appease. Lie. Survive._

“Let me go. I won't run. I won't run. Let me go.”

“... Sorry. I shouldn't do that, but you're making me _afraid_. It's not safe out there. You'll get hurt. Zen could hurt you, do you realize that ?” he said as his grasp on her released, leaving her shaking. _Zen, come right now. Please come._

Jumin notified security again, waiting and tapping his foot.

 

It was his voice she recognized first.

“Where's MC ? You fucking jerk—”

“Zen.” he had thrown on the cold ice mask again. All the glints of violence she'd seen seconds before were gone, except for the impatient tapping of his foot. “We were just enjoying dinner. You should have sent a memo before deciding to join us, I'm afraid the chef hasn't cooked enough for three.”

“Quit jerking around. MC doesn't want to be here.”

Zen was anything but calm, even if she could see how hard he was trying not to punch Jumin here and now – his fists clenched and his eyes darting from him to _her_. This was it. This was how they were meeting face to face for the first time. MC wanted to burst into tears. She sat there, looking back and forth at them.

Hot and cold. Complete opposites.

“Zen, calm down. Does she look like she doesn't want to be there to you ?”

“She looks close to tears, you fucking idiot. Are you that unaware of people's emotions ?”

Jumin sat down, beckoning Zen to do the same (he did not). MC and he locked eyes – _do something –_

“I know everything, Jumin. You've gone too far.”

Jumin's icy look turned to her, and while he said nothing, she knew what he was thinking. _Yes, I've called him._

“I don't know what you are talking about. I'm only worried about MC's safety. The security here is the best, so it's better that she stays here.”

“She's in worse danger here than anywhere else,” Zen hissed. “With you.”

“I don't know what nonsense you're thinking about again, but I'm not dangerous.”

“Whatever. I **know**. If you don't let me take her home, I'm calling the police. Seven's been trying to reach V so it's only a matter of time before he knows.”

She saw Jumin twitch ever so slightly. “Quit it, Zen. The police will not believe you. You'll just make yourself a fool.”

“Wanna bet ? How about I call them and they arrest you ? I can't wait to see the headlines. Not to mention the state of the RFA. MC's not even working on the party because of you already. Do you really want to ruin this ? Now. Let her go.”

 

The whirlwind of emotions MC could feel from both men was keeping her stuck there in fear. She could not move, nor speak.

 

“I wonder what your father will say. What a disappointment,” Zen said as he whipped out his phone and started to dial for the police – _no, I don't want to get out of there and be interrogated, and the RFA, and everyone will know and I --- I –_

“ **Stop.** ” Jumin looked right at MC. “You've said nothing since he got there. Is this it ?”

“I --- I--” the words were stuck inside her throat.

“Leave her alone.”

“ _ **No.**_ She should talk. We've been having a great time, and you're coming here and ruining it. MC, do you really want to go ?” he grabbed her wrist, his eyes seeing deep into her, his grasp tightening --

_I can't..._

She felt Zen tense up. “You fucking--”

_Appease – no. No. Don't compromise yourself._

If she told the truth, it was going to get worse, she was sure of it.

“Let her go Jumin, or I **swear** \--”

“What will you do ? I'll just call security and you'll be out of there. Now. **MC.** ”

It was like his eyes could see directly into her heart. Was this how he got insane deals to go through at work ? _Let me go._

Her voice came strained, barely audible.

“I want to leave.”

“Excuse me ? I can't hear you.”

“ **I want to leave.”** she choked back tears and looked down. _I'm sorry, I lied to you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry..._

“You're a liar and a manipulative little one, aren't you ?” _sorry - it hurts_ _-_ “Quit your shit **right now** and leave her before I beat your ass,” Zen's voice was different. It left no room for negotiation.

“ **Fine**. Leave for all I care. You've betrayed me anyway, like **all of them** , and with _Zen_ of all people. But you **will** understand, and you **will** come back.” Jumin fumed before releasing her wrist. It felt like his grasp was imprinted in her.

 

“MC... We're going.” _that soft voice of his again. But is it real ? Is anything real ? Is he fake too ?_ She tried to stand, and found that she was still frozen in place.

“MC... Is it okay if I touch you ? Help you stand and then walk with me ?”

 

It felt like a lifetime since she hadn't been _asked_ about this.

“Yes,” it was barely a whisper.

“Okay. Take my hand, we're leaving.”

“Yes.”

She looked back at Jumin who seemed about to run there and kill Zen, and closed her eyes. _Don't look back._

 

A lifetime later, they were out, Jaehee waiting for them at the door.

“MC, Zen !! Are you both alright ? I was about to call the police as we agreed if you took too long but – you're here.”

“Let's get out of here. MC ? Are you more comfortable if Jaehee helps you walk ?”

She nodded, slowly.

She was in a dream. She was still asleep, and she was afraid – but Jaehee's presence was comforting her, although the worry in her voice as she argued over something with Zen seeped at her and tensed her. She didn't listen. She followed them out the building when Jaehee paused and faced her. She spoke clearly enough, but softly.

“MC ? Can you speak right now ?”

“... Little.”

“You're in no state to be alone right now, but we can't exactly... _force_ you in anything. Zen offered we both stay at his place at least for tonight and you can go to Rika's apartment tomorrow and prepare for the party as planned. Remember, Mr Han doesn't know the address and I'm sure V will be back soon. We wish there was another way, but... It's your call. Yours only, MC. Whatever you say, we'll respect your decision, we promise you that. Right, Zen ?”

“Of course.”

“J-Jaehee...”

Something snapped in her. Maybe it was how careful Jaehee was with her words, or how she was insisting on everything being her choice, but soon enough she found herself bursting into tears and reaching for her arms. Despite this being the first time face to face with her, she  _trusted her_. Was she really right ? She did not know, but she had no time to ask herself that now. 

 MC heard Zen's angry whispers “ _I'll fucking kill him_ ” and cried louder, body shaking and legs ready to give out.

“I don't want to be alone,” she hiccuped as Jaehee held her close and rubbed her back. “It's going to be fine. You are safe with us. It's going to be alright,” Zen whispered as Jaehee helped her into the car.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was not sure about this chapter and then life got busy, so I let it sit for a while until I could proofread it... Hopefully it's fine now. This is INTENSE obviously so it's MC-only, hopefully Zen's POV will come back next time, and maybe Jaehee (baehee). 
> 
> I was not sure about Jumin see, but he HAD to release her or the story couldn't continue... Ultimately though, the RFA is Jumin's family, this has to count. Not to mention he hates feeling betrayed.   
> Hope you enjoy this. Thank you for reading and I really appreciate your comments !


	5. Comfort.

 

_Zen_

 

Zen wasn't sure _how_ he was keeping his calm right now when all he wanted was to punch shit. _Men are beasts and Jumin Han is the worst of them._ He was going to have to take a cold shower once they'd be home so he wouldn't snap around MC. It was the last thing she needed right now. She could feel her cowering everytime he tensed up too visibly, and driving without yelling at any car he'd pass was already taking all his energy. Jaehee was with her in the back, an arm wrapped around her shoulders.

_I hope this doesn't have repercussion on Jaehee too._ They had agreed she'd stay out of Jumin's sight if that could help keeping her job. She was not sure she still wanted it, but it was better to think about that calmly _later_.

He parked the car and both of them followed him to his place _._ Because of this jerk this was how they were meeting. They let MC sit on the couch. She seemed to be relying on Jaehee like a lifeline. She was as worried as he was but at least better at keeping her calm. It was probably better to have a woman care for her right now anyway.

“I'm going to take a quick shower.” _A **cold** one so I can calm the fuck down and not punch a wall. _“Before I go, MC, are you hurt anywhere ? Do you need anything ?”

He let her take her time to talk.

“No...” she whispered, but he could see she was touching her wrist. _I'll have to ask again._ “But...”

“Yes ? Ask anything you want.”

She pulled nervously on the hem of her dress when he remembered. _Jumin made her wear that._

“I can lend you clean clothes if you need. It'll all be too big for you but I'll find something.”

“Yes... please.”

“Sure.”

 

He rummaged in his stuff for sweat pants with a drawstring so she could just tie it and a hoodie. _She is so small and everytime I think of what he could have done to her I... Fuck, if she wasn't there I'd just go back and murder him._ He tried not to swear out loud.

“The bathroom is right there if you want to change.”

She went alone, Jaehee keeping close just in case until the young woman locked the door behind herself.

 

“She's very shocked. I should not have sent her there.” Jaehee said softly.

“It isn't your fault he lost his shit. She wasn't even supposed to stay a single night.”

“Still, I know more than anyone how controlling Mr Han can get. Well – I thought I knew.”

“We'll take care of her, you and me.” He said in a low hum. “When I got there he grabbed her wrist so tight I thought she was going to break. I couldn't punch him right away or security would have gotten my ass. This trust fund jerk...”

“That's... I didn't think he'd _physically_ hurt her.”

He sighed, putting a comforting hand on Jaehee's shoulder.

“We'll find something fun to do to take her mind off things, and leave her space to talk if she needs it.”

 

MC got out, looking painfully _tiny_. The sweater was more like a dress indeed, and even the sleeves were too big. She was wearing the hood as if to hide herself, which made her look even smaller.

“Thank you, Zen.”

“Is it all good with the clothes ?”

“It is.”

“Alright. See you in a sec then.”

 

His eyes met Jaehee's, and on that he went for his shower. _Fuck. I better collect myself now._ He left the water freezing cold and let it cool him as he thought. He couldn't forget how shocked she looked when he got there, the way Jumin held her and looked at her like some kind of object. It was about fucking time someone _did something._  Not that it was not bad already.

_This girl comes to the RFA only wanting to help, does nothing but listen to you and come to your place to make you feel better and this is what you do to her ?? I'm done with you. I'm fucking done with you, asshole. I already hated you but this is on another fucking level. And V better be available soon since apparently he's the only one who could make you listen to reason._

 

_**_

_Jaehee_

 

Jaehee was acting as collected and strong as she could, but really, she wanted to cry. This would be for later ; she was not the one in need right now. As soon as Zen was out showering, MC cuddled up to her, buried her face in her shoulder and didn't move.

“MC... Can I talk to you ?”

“... Yes.” she raised her head to look at her, shifting in a more comfortable position.

“Alright... I'm sorry I sent you there. I didn't think --”

MC was quick to shake her head this time.

“Not your fault.”

“But I--”

“No, it isn't your fault.”

How quick she was at dismissing it – gosh, _she is so nice._ It made her feel even worse that Jumin would take advantage of her like that.

 

Jaehee mostly knew Jumin as her boss, but there had been enough signs ; The dresscode he imposed her, the insane work hours, the harshness at any mistake. She had expressed her concerns to MC on the chatroom, but in hindsight, it had not been the best idea. _Everyone can read the chatroom, surely she was aware of that too._

Zen had not told her everything that was going on when he arrived, but how agitated he was telling enough. Not to mention the physical assault he mentioned.

 

“... Alright. MC...” she thread carefully, tried not to raise her voice. “Do you want to talk about it ?”

MC looked away, fiddling with the hem of Zen's sweater.

“Maybe. When Zen is here. I don't know.”

“No pressure, alright ?”

“Mhh.”

“Zen thinks we should do something fun to take your mind off things, what do you think about this ?”

“... I think I'd like that.”

“Okay. Why don't we watch some of Zen's DVDs then once he's back ?”

“Sure.”

“We'll be able to stop anytime you want. Is that fine with you ?”

MC nodded and settled down against her. Making her talk about _anything else_ might relax her.

“Are you familiar with Zen's work aside from what we've talked about ?”

“I wanted to... I didn't get enough time.”

“I understand. Well, he's done a lot of dramatic musicals, but there's some comedy too, so I think we should go for that.”

 

She heard something vibrating ; MC sat up immediately, her face turning pale.

“Is it your phone ? I can turn it off for you if you want.”

The brunette nodded and handed her phone.

 

“ _You have (3) missed calls.”_

“ _From : Jumin Han”_

_Already..._ Jaehee kept silent and turned off the device. She thought she would have to try and reason him soon, but she did not quite feel this was the time. Or _was it_ ? Who knew what he'd do now ? It was worrying her. MC seemed about to cry again.

“Jaehee...?”

“Yes ?”

“I need fresh air.”

“Sure... Can you wait until Zen's back ?”

“Yes...”

 

**

_MC_

 

Maybe it was because she felt safer now, but she was slowly finding her voice again. This at least was a relief ; it was beyond scary to find that you were suddenly unable to communicate. Was this because Jumin had silenced her ?

Being out of that awful dress was a relief ; Zen's hoodie was fresh washed but still carried the faint smell of his vanilla flavoured cigarettes. His place was small and carried the normal mess people usually did when they lived somewhere. DVDs were carefully kept ordered on the shelves. She supposed they were all of Zen's shows, which brought her some strange sense of comfort. Some script was spread out on the coffee table in front of them, riddled with notes and highlighted lines. She could also see an empty beer can there, a pack of cigs and a lighter. _He should take care more of himself but who am I to say that._

Most importantly, Jaehee and him did not care if her hair was messy and her make up smudged. She had washed her face in the bathroom earlier and caught a glimpse of herself. She looked awful, but she was glad of it.

Panic rose again as she gave Jaehee her phone. She had not looked at the screen. Jaehee had, and MC could read faces well (except Jumin's, apparently.). _He probably called. I used to_ _ **wait**_ _for him to call and now I am afraid of it. What's wrong with me ?_

Hopefully, Zen came out of the bathroom just after she requested to go outside.

“He's back, can you ask him ?”

“... Zen ?”

“Yeah ? Are you alright ?”

She shrugged. No need to hide it.

“I want to go outside...”

Zen gave her an easy going smile ; he didn't stress her as much as earlier, was this because he'd calmed down ?

“I was thinking about going to the store to get us some food. Damn me, I have two lovely guests and I have nothing in the fridge for you two ! Do you want to come with me ? It's only a little stroll from there. We can get fish-shaped buns if the guy's here, he's pretty cool.”

“I'll go.”

“If you're unwell we'll come home. Tell me, alright MC ? Do you want Jaehee to come with us ?”

She looked back at Jaehee, thinking maybe she'd want to talk with Zen alone on the way. The other woman quickly caught on her hesitating.

“I have no problems staying here if you want me to. I'll choose the DVDs while you go.”

“Okay...”

“Alright,” Zen smiled brightly at her again. MC pulled her hood up and followed him outside.

 

Really, the night felt more beautiful seen from normal streets in a small neighbourhood. When she had first glanced at the view from Jumin's glass walls, she had felt amazed and moved. Now, she wanted nothing to do with it. This was not her world. She was not good enough for it. They walked side by side in silence for a while, MC taking the time to breathe in the outside air.

“I didn't thank you yet.”

“You don't have to.”

“I do... I... If I hadn't phoned you I might have let him do whatever he wanted. I'm an idiot so...”

He stopped walking, shaking his head.

“You're not an idiot. I know for a fact that people like him have a talent to mess with your mind and get you to do whatever they want. Especially kind and sweet people like you.” he sighed.

“You do ?”

“Yeah... My family was like that. Not that it got as bad as you – fuck. I'm sorry MC.”

“It's fine. How was your family like him ?”

“Come on MC, I'm not sure we should be talking about me right now.”

MC was not sure whether he did not want to talk about it or if he was trying to protect her. She decided not to push it ; but it was making her feel her less lonely.

“You know... I knew how to calm Jumin because my dad used to get angry at me for really stupid things. He'd yell at me for a bad grade, or for something I've said he didn't like, or just because he felt like being angry at me. I was never really good enough. So... When Jumin got mad because I was not acting like he wanted, I knew what to do. At least I thought I did. I just feel dumb I am still making all kinds of excuses in my head.”

There was a pained look on Zen's face as they went on walking.

“It's kind of what I meant about my family. MC, it's just less painful to make excuses for someone you're close to than to admit they're hurting you. It's normal to react that way. Hey...”

Even with her hood pulled he noticed she was tearing up. Talking about it had brought it all back, made it real and scary again.

“Hey... we're gonna buy trash food and soda and watch musicals again. I'll heal you with my marvelous looks and my beautiful voice, alright ? And you don't wanna miss Jaehee fangirling.” he joked.

MC laughed a bit in her tears. She was _not_ alone.

“Do you want a hug ?”

She nodded and he went for it, rubbing her back.

“I'm your friend. I'm there for you.”

_I know._ Something in him made her no longer scared to trust him, even if Jumin's words resonated again in the back of her mind in that moment. _He might hurt you too._

No, it wasn't right. Just like everyone in the RFA really, she had trusted Zen immediately in the chatroom, and now she felt she was right to.

“Come on, we can't let Jaehee wait too long,” he said as they broke their embrace, and MC naturally put her hand in his. _He won't get the wrong idea... I can trust him,_ she told herself again. They walked like that calmly until they finally got to the convenience store.

“What do you want to eat ?”

“I'm not really hungry yet but... _Cheap_ stuff.”

“Cheap ? I can pay for you.”

“No, we're splitting the bill. I'll pay you back when I have money with me.”

She was _over_ getting stuff bought for her. Hopefully Zen seemed to get it instantly.

“Ah – of course.”

“By cheap I mostly meant food normal people actually eat.”

“So do normal people eat gummy bears ?” he said as he grabbed a bag from one of the shelves.

She nodded, and they went on like that for a while. In a few minutes their basket was full of candy, chips, soda and even ice cream.

“Do you think they sell honey buddha chips here ?”

“Never seen it. And that's not normal people food.”

“Seven and Yoosung keep ranting about how delicious they are.”

“You think Seven and Yoosung are normal people ?” Zen grinned and she snorted.

“Point taken.”

“Jaehee is going to freak at how unhealthy we are.”

“Do you think she'll give us one of her lectures about how stress eating is bad for you ?”

“... Ah ! Normally she would, but tonight I don't think so,” Zen shrugged, smiling.

 

He paid for them, MC insisting that she'll pay him back – _I'll be sure to remind you then –_ and they walked back home, MC's heart feeling a little less heavy.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is ~ mostly written as I am lying sick haha so I hope I didn't make fever mistake. Hopefully my need for being comforted too will shine through. >_> I really wanted to include Jaehee there, and we get to breathe too without Jumin being a shit ! (well there are the phonecalls... that is for later.) It felt kind of relieving to write this chapter.
> 
> A fun fact : Zen smokes cigarettes called Black Angels, which looks like a reference to the Black Devils brand... Which I used to smoke when I was a wee fifteen-year-old trying to be cool. I found that kind of hilarious, Zen you edgelord. Anyway, those actually smell very sugary, like vanilla, hence the smell on his hoodie. They're forbidden where I live now because that sugary taste and the general look of them (let's say, they looked kind of cool) was marketing to push teenagers to start smoking. 
> 
> This is where I put a disclaimer aka don't smoke kids it took me years to quit it sucks.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy !


	6. Impulse.

 

_Jumin_

The door closed behind Zen and MC, leaving him livid. He gritted his teeth until he was sure absolutely _no one_ was around, and then he let his rage explode, slamming a fist on the table, whirling around the penthouse and punching a wall...

He turned into the monster inside him he hated to see, the very reason why everything had to be controlled. After a few minutes, when the fury started to leave him, he found himself sinking down on the floor, sitting there like a child. This was not like him...

He replayed the events of the night in his mind – especially the fear in her eyes when he'd held onto her wrist. Oh, he had noticed it right away, but he had been unable to stop himself because of how angry he felt that she dared leaving him. _I need you, do not leave me._ H _ow else was I supposed to make you_ _ **stay**_ _? How could I make you stay ? I did everything for you... I made everything comfortable, why couldn't you stay... I did not want to act like that but you..._

He'd felt MC could accept anything in him ; his weird jokes, his loneliness, the way he did not understand people's emotions, his darkness... She had, and suddenly his everything had revolved around her. He wanted to possess her in a way that sometimes was scaring even him. If he did not, how would she stay with him ?

_I'm too scared... What if Zen can't protect you ? You're mine. He can't touch you. You're mine. You're mine._

He _made_ her leave, didn't he ? He made her leave like Elizabeth and betray him because he could not even keep his childhood friend or his own cat close to him.

_I shouldn't have grabbed her. I should apologize to her. But she was going to leave._

In that moment, it's V he wanted to phone. _He won't pick up anyway._ He had been leaving V a lot of space since Rika's death, considering his friend was still grieving, but he missed him dearly. At times, it felt like he had done something wrong. Maybe he should have done more to keep Jihyun besides him.

 _Mother_. Rika. V. Elizabeth. MC.

He dialed MC's number. Once. Twice. A third time. She was not picking up. _I just want to tell you I'm sorry and that you can't come back... I won't do that anymore, I won't scare you anymore._

His fourth call went directly to voicemail. _Damn you Zen, you must have made her turn her phone off._

His heart was afraid Zen would hurt her, too. However, his rational voice knew he wouldn't do anything like it. It was not like _Zen_. Earlier though, he had been convinced he was only there to take her and spite him. So what was the truth ? He'd never felt so irrational before. Despite his state, he was realizing he was not making sense at all. Why was he so complicated ? Why was it so hard to _feel_?

Curled up alone into his empty penthouse, he was reminded of his mother. He couldn't remember her ; her face, her likes and dislikes... There was nothing there. She was gone too. He remembered thinking he surely had done nothing bad for her to go, but then again he had been 3 or 4 years old at the time.

No one even knew where she was.

She would come back... _Right ?_ Defeated, Jumin got up to pour himself a glass of wine from the abandoned bottle on _their_ dinner table. _MC didn't touch her glass, did she..._ He found himself drinking from hers, and pouring himself some more until he finished the bottle.

 

**

_Jaehee_

 

MC and Zen leaving on their own meant she could try and do something about the situation without stressing them out.

She _would_ have called Luciel right now, but according to Yoosung's texts he was busy driving and working on catching the hacker. Something could have been done with the app, like blocking Jumin's calls to MC, if that was even the right approach to things... _V could do something_. He was not going to pick up, was he ?

Still, she tried for him.

_The number you are trying to reach is unavailable right now._

She sighed, defeated. Would this be of any use if she tried to call Jumin ? Jaehee tried to stay calm nevertheless. _Let's see... Luciel and Yoosung are unavailable, V is too... It's left to Zen and I._

She took a deep breath, and logged in the chatroom.

__________

[ Jaehee Kang logged in ]

[ Yoosung ★ logged in ]

Yoosung ★ : Jaehee !!! Hello T_T

Jaehee Kang : Hello, Yoosung. Did you and Luciel leave ?

Yoosung ★: Yes T_T we're in the middle of nowhere.... scary....

Jaehee Kang : I hope you find the hacker fast... Anyway, I've come here to leave a message to you all.

Jaehee Kang : I don't know if it's wise... But... it's probably kind of obvious anyway...

Yoosung ★: ????? What is !!?

Jaehee Kang : I'm only here to reassure everyone that _MC is safe_. I'm with her and Zen right now.

Yoosung ★: What ???! She's not at Jumin's place anymore ??

Jaehee Kang : No. She is safe.

Jaehee Kang : And...

Jaehee Kang : we would appreciate if Mr Han left her alone for now.

Yoosung ★: Did something happen ?

Jaehee Kang : it's fine... The most important is that she is safe. She needs a break, however, so she's not going to be using the app tonight.

Yoosung ★: Why won't you tell me ? T_T I'm not a little kid !! I'm going to chase the hacker with Seven !

Jaehee Kang : I know. That's why... It isn't time for you to get distracted. Good luck ^^

Yoosung ★: …. T_T yeah. Anyway I'm glad MC's okay ! ^^ tell her to come back fast !

Jaehee Kang : I will. Zen and her will be back from the convenience store soon... I have to go

Jaehee Kang : see you.

[Jaehee Kang has left the chatroom]

__________

Would that be enough for tonight ? She could not predict what Jumin would do now, but would he find some common sense by then ? He had been so unstable, and now she felt he was spiraling out of control. Jaehee was afraid she might have made it worse by saying she was with Zen and her, but the other members deserved to know why MC would not be logging in tonight. As for what had _actually_ happened... This was MC's call, not hers.

_Ah, right, the DVDs !_

Just going through those calmed her right away, especially when she found a _gem_. Zen's debut, his very first musical, no less ! She had never been able to see it. He was so young on it, he looked like an angel whose existence would make everything feel better. _This_ would help soothe MC too, wouldn't it ? Just looking at the cover made her feel better.

_WE ARE WATCHING THIS._

It was the perfect moment for Zen and MC to come back in a significantly better mood than earlier.

“We're back, look at what we've got !”

She opened the bag and winced at the amount of sugar and fat-filled foods there was in _there_. She said nothing, however, but MC and Zen grinned at each other.

“I told you all the shit we've bought was going to scare her.”

“Hey, I didn't say anything !” Jaehee protested, but they were _right_. She only shut up because tonight was somehow different.

“We know what you're thinking.”

“But Zen, aren't you kind of a health freak too ?” MC asked.

“... **Health freak ?** How dare you, I'm only taking care of myself !” he said laughing, and Jaehee could see MC was still smiling.

“I'm glad you seem to feel better, MC.”

The other nodded ; “It's thanks to you two.” she added before sitting besides Jaehee. “So what's the movie ?”

“ _This_ one.”

“ **NO.** ”

“What, no ? It's your debut, you look like an angel...”

“Well, I admit I do, but …. NO.”

“Zen, you look so cute on the cover. How old are you in this ?”

“Sixteen... My first musical... It's a relic, and it was great but oh my god it's going to be so embarrassing I don't want to watch this again.”

“Zen, I'm your fan and I have never seen it. It is a great failure of mine and I want to bask in your acting debut. Is this so wrong ? Please let us watch it. Besides your cuteness can only do good to MC.”

“Zen ?”

“Arrgh... yes, MC ?”

“... Please ?”

“Please.” Jaehee joined her plea.

“... Don't look at me with those eyes. You think it's funny ?” he groaned.

“ _Zenny_ ?!”

“MC ?! Fuck, this is the beginning of an embarrassing night, isn't it ?... Fuck it. I can't ever say no to the both of you, do you realize that ?”

Jaehee grinned, but she could swear she saw Zen's cheeks going _red_ right now. She turned on the DVD player internally singing her victory. Then she settled down on the couch with the both of them, MC cuddled up in the middle and a mountain of unhealthy food ready for them on the coffee table. It felt weird to get physically close _that_ fast, but she supposed their friend needed some physical affection and reassurances right now. And... it did not feel bad to give it. She couldn't deny that sometimes, Jaehee needed hugs too, even if it was awkward that Zen was part of it _._

 

_**_

_Zen_

 

 _These two I swear to god..._ Well, honestly, it had scared him but in the end it was not _that_ painful to watch himself as a kid, although he couldn't help but cringe hard at some obvious mistakes he'd make. Hopefully he was cute but... Damn. At least he could see how far he'd come since then, and that made him a little proud.

Jaehee kept praising him and telling MC about random trivia about him while _he was literally right here_ , which was kind of funny honestly. Most importantly, while MC had grown silent, he could see her smile and with how close she was he could hear her breathing was steady.

In fact, it was so steady that by the end of the musical, when he felt her lay her head on his shoulder, he glanced back to see that she was fast asleep. _Well, in more normal circumstances I would have been afraid I've bored her but she must be exhausted. I'm glad she can rest._

He felt tender towards her, and glad she felt safe enough to lean on him.

 

“She's asleep...”

“Yeah... I can't move now, can I ?”

“I'm afraid not...” Jaehee smiled as the musical credits rolled on the screen. “She looks so peaceful, I'm glad.”

“Yeah. it's 2 in the morning anyway. I don't think I can sleep because I'm worried something happens while we're here, but Jaehee, do get some rest.”

“Honestly, I should be catching up on work.”

“You don't feel like it, do you ?” Zen asked. He had seen the discomfort grow in Jaehee. It was one thing to have a shitty boss, but a shitty boss who assaulted your friend ? It might as well be the last straw for her, even if he knew how important her job was.

“I feel... conflicted. And responsible. I don't know if I want to go on with this, but what choice do I have ?”

“Jaehee. We'll talk about it when the situation is less urgent, but frankly, I believe you can do anything. You just have to find something you like.”

“Do you really think so ?”

“I do.”

“Zen. Thank you. But...” she sighed, her voice dropping, “Sorry to change the subject, but I'm worried Jumin shows up here.”

“He might. That's why I'm staying awake. There's no predicting what he'd do. I'm hoping he collects himself and grows the fuck up, but on my part there will be no forgiving. I don't want MC near him.”

“I know... I told the chatroom she is safe, but I can't be sure whether this would help or make it worse. I still have her phone, by the way. I turned it off to avoid his calls, it was making her incredibly stressed out.”

“You're doing well. I'm there, alright ? Rest if you can.”

“I might just doze off here.”

“Don't worry about it. You can lie down and everything.” he smiled at her for reassurance. He knew she'd be worried on imposing too much, but honestly, these days had been an ordeal for her too.

The night went on with both girls asleep and him reviewing his last script. He should be tired, really, but in fact he was too nervous to sleep. 

 

**

_MC_

She was not sure when she had drifted off to sleep. She had felt safe between Jaehee and Zen, and soon enough, with the tension gone she found that she was exhausted, too exhausted to even partake in Jaehee's commentary. She woke up a couple of hours later, surprised to find herself hugging Zen's arm, with her head on his shoulder.

“O-oh...”

“Hey MC.”

“I'm sorry...” she stuttered, disentangling herself from him.

“That's fine. Why don't you go lie down in my bed ?”

She shook her head. It felt too weird to sleep in his own bed, not when Jumin had let him his. It made her feel like something bad would happen, even if she knew it would be fine with Zen.

“Have you even slept ?”

“Nah. I'm reviewing my script. This character I play...” he stopped there. “I guess I shouldn't be bothering you with this. Do you want something, water maybe ? By the way, is your wrist fine ?”

“Water would be good. And I... I think it's bruised...” she swallowed hard as Jumin's eyes came back to her in a flash. “Later... Can we do that later ?”

“Ah-- of course. Sure thing. I'll get you some water.” he affectionately patted her head before going to the kitchen.

On the other side of the couch, Jaehee was still fast asleep. MC hoped she would get all the rest she needed. _I added to her troubles, didn't I ?_ “I'm sorry Jaehee...” she whispered. Jaehee stirred a bit, as if she had definitely heard her and accepted her apology.

Somehow the peace and quiet made her feel worried. She was glad Zen was back, setting her water on the table.

“Zen...”

“Yeah ?”

“I'll have to confront him at some time, won't I ?...”

“You really don't have to. If you're too scared, I'll do it for you.”

Honestly, she kind of wanted to confront him, but the prospect right now was terrifying. She nodded and whispered a “thank you”.

It's on those thoughts that the bell rang. MC felt herself tense up – _he'd know we're there, and my phone is off, of course – of course he is going to get me, he is ---_

“Zen..” she croaked out as he let out a low groan.

“You know what ? See this door ? It leads to my roof, I often sit there to think. You can hide there if you want.”

She nodded wordlessly – and on impulse, grabbed Zen's pack of cigs and his lighter with trembling hands before she went out.

Despite the tightness in her chest she could see why Zen loved this flat. The view from the roof was beautiful, more beautiful than Jumin's view... She could see his car from there however, and closed her eyes. _He can't get me... Zen's here, he can't exactly drag me back there screaming. He_ _ **wouldn't**_ _go that far, would he ?_

She had not exactly asked Zen for his cigarettes, but in the first place feeling that Jumin would _hate_ that strengthened her wanting. MC was no smoker, except in times of _high stress,_ or when she'd steal someone's pack at parties. _Whatever –_ she lit one up, tears welling up in her eyes. She felt like a child trying to rebel. Wasn't this how he made her feel in the first place ? Like a child with no independence, no freedom ? So _helpless_.

She still felt terrified, but she was not sad anymore. No, she was angry now. _If I wasn't so scared I'd go in to give you a piece of my mind._ Her wrist hurt in reminiscence. _What happened to us, Jumin ? I just wanted to help, and I tried to tell you, I told you, and you never listened. Do you ever listen to anyone, Jumin ?_

She was startled by the door opening suddenly, but it was the welcome sight of Jaehee.

“Is he in there ?”

“At the door. I think he's drunk... Zen's handling it, I'm checking up on you. Are you alright ?”

“No.” MC snapped. "He's **drunk** ?"

“Of course, sorry... Yes, he sounded that way.”

She said nothing, pulling up Zen's hood and trying to think of safety with the sweet taste of his cigs lingering on her lips.  _Drunk ? You're feeling that shitty about yourself ? I hope you are._

“You're going to be fine, MC. We'll make sure of it.”

“I'm so angry. If I was physically strong I'd come inside and punch him in the face. I mean it.”

“I'm sure Zen will be happy to oblige.”

She tried to hear what was going on inside, but no luck.  _No screaming ? Maybe it's a good thing..._

"So we wait ?"

 

 

"We wait."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeyllo ! Sorry about the cliffhanger ??? I was getting so lenghty.... I feel mean about it ahaha. I need time to process drunk Jumin >_>".
> 
> He was quite something to write in fact ! I've always been curious about /his/ perception of things. I'm also glad I got to write some more of Jaehee, which is why it got so lenghty with not much action I guess :') (but we get more cute before the shitstorm that just started, woop !)
> 
> Thanks as always for your support !


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